I’ve been following the Clacton-on-Sea by-election with unashamed delight. A dustbin-helmeted independent taking on Nigel Farage is exactly the kind of political theatre I live for. And somewhere between his last press round-up and my second coffee, I started wondering: what would Count Binface actually campaign on if he crossed the Channel and turned his attention here, to Lille?
The campaign I’ve been following with delight
Count Binface is the alter ego of comedian, writer and producer Jon Harvey, an “intergalactic space warrior and leader of the Recyclons from planet Sigma IX,” recognisable everywhere by his silver cape and dustbin-shaped helmet. He’s currently the likely sole challenger to Nigel Farage in the Clacton-on-Sea by-election, triggered after Farage’s resignation amid scrutiny over undeclared financial support. It’s not his first rodeo: he’s previously stood against Theresa May, Boris Johnson and Rishi Sunak, and picked up 92,896 votes in the 2021 London mayoral race.
So indulge me for a moment. Here’s the manifesto I reckon he’d run on, if Lille ever needed a candidate exactly like him.
Binface’s manifesto for Lille
His real UK pledges — nationalising Adele, capping Wigan kebabs at £2 — follow a simple formula: take something everyone’s quietly annoyed about, and promise something gloriously disproportionate. Lille has no shortage of material.
Abolish the périphérique, let the bins protest instead
The RN356 ring road around Lille is genuinely disrupted by resurfacing works running from 8 June to 26 July 2026, with night closures between the Pilaterie and Rectorat junctions, according to DIR Nord. Binface’s pledge: scrap the ring road entirely and turn it into a permanent demonstration lane, reserved exclusively for wheelie bins. The French protest about everything, he’d say — his people deserve the same right.
Gaufres Méert capped at one euro
A box of six Méert waffles costs 18.50 euros today, for a recipe unchanged since the shop’s waffle first appeared under that name in 1849. Charles de Gaulle used to have his delivered to the Élysée, and Martine Aubry once hosted François Hollande there in 2014. Binface’s pledge: one euro per waffle, cost-of-living crisis solved, one gold-wrapped parcel at a time.
Send the mayor swimming in the Deûle, today
New mayor Arnaud Deslandes is genuinely working on a supervised swimming zone at quai du Wault, one of the city’s former ports, with early water-quality tests described as “plutôt encourageants.” The earliest realistic opening, per Le Bonbon, is summer 2028, possibly 2029. Binface’s counter-pledge: skip the queue entirely and have the mayor do a ceremonial first lap this afternoon, cape and all. Encouraging results, he’d argue, deserve an encouraging swim.
Taking on the incumbent’s manifesto, waffle for waffle
Deslandes was elected mayor on 27 March 2026 with 47 of 61 council votes, succeeding Martine Aubry, and has since detailed four early priorities to La Voix du Nord: 2,000 new homes at Saint-Sauveur with 45% social housing, 50 additional municipal police officers by summer, extended after-school care until 7pm by 2027, and a 151-million-euro transitions budget, up from 135 million in 2025. Binface’s fantasy counter-manifesto matches him pledge for pledge: 2,000 dustbins granted honorary residency at Saint-Sauveur, 50 additional bin marshals patrolling the Braderie, waffle care extended until 7pm for anyone still queuing at Méert, and a 151-million-Recyclon-credit budget for “transitions of the intergalactic kind.”
| Real Lille policy, 2026 | Binface’s fantasy counter-pledge |
| RN356 périphérique works, 8 June – 26 July | Abolish the ring road, reserve it for bin protests |
| Méert waffles, 18.50€ for six | One euro a waffle, cape-holder discount included |
| Quai du Wault swimming project, opening 2028-2029 | Mayor swims today, results pending or not |
| 50 extra municipal police officers by summer | 50 extra bin marshals for the Braderie |
On dress code and the House of Commons
Parliament’s guidebook requires MPs to wear “business-like attire” and forbids covering the face during votes, per ITV’s reporting — a rule his cape and helmet would fail outright. Lille’s council chamber, he’d point out at every hustings, has never actually tested the theory.
What he’d promise for the landmarks
Every good campaign needs photo opportunities, and Binface would find his in Lille’s five biggest ones.
Villa Cavrois: a state visit, helmet in a locker
Villa Cavrois in Croix, designed by Robert Mallet-Stevens and built between 1929 and 1932, is widely described as an architectural manifesto of French modernism. Large or bulky items — motorbike helmets included — are barred from the rooms and must go in lockers at the entrance, a rule brought in after damage to the furniture. Binface’s pledge: a formal state visit, helmet surrendered at locker six, and a promise to add his own dustbin design to the museum’s ongoing furniture-acquisition campaign.
The Palais des Beaux-Arts: free entry for every honorary Lillois
From July 2026, the Palais des Beaux-Arts hosts a major exhibition on J.M.W. Turner and his British contemporaries, tracing how the Grand Tour through France and Italy reshaped British landscape painting. Entry is genuinely free every first Sunday of the month for everyone, and every Sunday for residents of Lille, Hellemmes and Lomme. Binface’s pledge: honorary Lillois status for every visitor who asks nicely, and a permanent spot for himself in the Turner rooms — “in front of a bin, oil on tarmac, 2026.”
La Piscine: a manifesto to actually swim in it
Roubaix’s La Piscine museum is genuinely housed inside a former 1930s Art Deco public baths, drawing around 250,000 visitors a year, and currently runs a 700 m² exhibition on the 190-year history of mail-order retailer La Redoute, on show until 5 July 2026. Binface’s pledge, consistent at least: reopen the original pool basin for one ceremonial length, sculptures relocated for the afternoon, cape optional.
The Citadelle: a summit with NATO
Vauban’s star-shaped Citadelle de Lille, built between 1667 and 1670, was nicknamed by its own architect the “queen of citadels.” Its interior remains an active military site, home to NATO’s Corps de Réaction Rapide-France, while its ramparts and Porte Royale are under restoration by specialist heritage masons. A grazing herd has also returned to maintain the grounds naturally. Binface’s pledge: a formal diplomatic summit with the Corps de Réaction Rapide-France, and honorary Recyclon status for the grazing herd, “for services to lawn recycling.”
Vieux Lille: a wealth tax, payable in waffles
Vieux Lille remains the city’s most expensive district, averaging around 5,561 euros per square metre in early 2026, known for cobbled streets, high-end boutiques and a well-off resident profile. Binface’s pledge: a district wealth tax, payable exclusively in Méert waffles, redistributed to whoever’s queuing longest at the Braderie.
The Lille campaign that will probably never happen
None of this is a real manifesto, obviously — Lille isn’t holding a by-election, and Binface’s actual fight is on the other side of the Channel, against Nigel Farage in Clacton-on-Sea. But every pledge here is built on something genuinely happening in this city right now: the RN356 roadworks, Méert’s real 18.50-euro price tag, Deslandes’ real plans for the Deûle and Saint-Sauveur, and every landmark named — Villa Cavrois, the Palais des Beaux-Arts, La Piscine, the Citadelle and Vieux Lille all deserve your actual visit, whether or not a certain space warrior ever turns up. I’ll keep following the real campaign with delight. If he ever fancies a second seat, though, I know a city that could use him.